If you have been following Deena’s son’s Caringbridge page, you will know that this week was not filled with the good news they were hoping for. I tried on many occasions to come up with the “right words” to say to Deena but nothing seemed right. I don’t think there are any words.
Last night I was sitting on the couch with my youngest cuddled on my right and my oldest cuddled on my left. This happens often during our pre-bedtime ritual, but last night was different. Last night my youngest was sitting next to me eating pretzels. He was breaking them into many pieces and counting them as he put the pieces in his mouth. I watched him, I studied him, I breathed him in and absorbed him. I watched his cute, little fingers as they pointed to each piece. I watched his lashes as they hit his cheek when he blinked. I saw how his cute, chubby feet turn inward when he sits on the couch. Every detail did not go unnoticed.
Then I looked at my oldest son. Cuddle time with mom is getting fewer and farer between. So last night I truly looked at him, absorbed every detail of him. I looked at his feet and realized how big he was getting. I looked at the light, blond hair on his arms. I looked at every single freckle on his nose and cheeks….every detail. And I kept thinking, “God, please let him grow up to be a healthy and happy man who feels loved and proud and fulfilled.”
I love my kids so much my heart feels like it’s going to burst, but sometimes these moments just slip by. I forget to stop and look and remember. Life gets in the way with all the scheduling and deadlines and commitments and although I notice so much about my kids every day, this particular moment last night would not have happened if it weren’t for Owen. In a way unknown to him, he reminded me to stop and absorb and breathe in every detail. He reminded me not to take any second for granted. Thank you, Owen, with all of my heart.
I told Deena that I did not inherit a way of words from my parents. So I told her I wanted to let my dad speak for me and my family. This is what he sent me after hearing about Owen’s week:
This is very disappointing and very sad , but I will continue to pray for him each day and ask for a true miracle. Believe me when I say that I do. We have to keep the prayers up and have faith that God will do what is best for Owen at this time even though we may not see the reason. We definitely do not see any good from his condition, but we must continue to have faith and continue to pray. Please let Deena know that there are a lot of prayers for Owen and her family, and that with God’s strength they will get through this whatever the outcome. Don’t ever give up hope.
We will never give up hope….