Living with Grief
Grief changes you—forever. You can’t outrun it, fix it, or push it aside—it settles within you, reshaping how you see the world. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that grief isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you learn to live alongside, something you carry as you find a way to keep moving forward.
Some days, grief feels like a shadow, heavy and inescapable. Other days, it’s a quiet whisper, a reminder of what’s been lost but also of what was loved. Grief and love are two sides of the same coin—intertwined, with one existing because of the other. The key is learning how to carry both.
Today, my son Owen would have turned 29. Thirteen years have passed, and yet there are still days when the pain of losing him feels as raw as it did in the beginning. Days when it’s hard to breathe, hard to smile, and hard to imagine a world without him in it. Days when I find myself mourning all the milestones he’ll never reach and the moments we’ll never share.
I’ve learned to give myself permission to feel the sadness on those days, to let the tears come without judgment or guilt. Grief doesn’t signify weakness—it signifies love. It’s a testament to how deeply someone mattered and how profoundly their absence is felt.
Finding Moments of Light
Still, grief isn’t the whole story. Even in the midst of sadness, moments of light have a way of breaking through. There are days when the weight feels a little lighter, and love takes the lead. When a memory of Owen’s quick wit makes me laugh, or a song he loved brings him closer for just a moment. These glimpses of joy don’t erase the grief—they live alongside it.
They remind me that while Owen is gone, the love remains—woven into the fabric of my life. I see him everywhere, but most vividly in his brothers. I hear him in their laughter, in the way they tease one another, and in their little gestures or expressions that so clearly echo him. It’s as if pieces of him live on through them, carrying him forward in ways that continue to surprise and comfort me.
I’ve learned to accept both the sorrow and the joy, to let them exist side by side. Healing isn’t about erasing the pain. It’s about learning to live with it, creating space for the grief while still allowing yourself to experience life’s beauty. Some days, that balance feels impossible. Other days, it feels natural. Both are part of the process, and both are valid.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on.” It means finding a way to carry your grief while still living fully. It means giving yourself permission to feel the hard days and to embrace the good ones. Over time, the balance becomes easier to navigate, though it’s never perfect. Grief ebbs and flows, a constant reminder of the love that endures.
What’s Helped Me Along the Way
While everyone’s journey with grief is unique, I’ve found some practices that have helped me find my way. Perhaps they might offer some comfort or guidance for you too.
- Feel Your Emotions: Let yourself cry, sit with the pain, or even scream if that’s what you need. Grief is heavy, and bottling it up only delays the healing. Writing has been a lifeline for me on days when talking to others felt too overwhelming.
- Lean on Your Support System: You don’t have to navigate grief alone. Whether it’s family, friends, or a support group, surrounding yourself with people who understand can make all the difference.
- Take Care of Yourself: Grief takes a toll on the body and mind. Prioritize rest, eat nourishing food, and move gently—even a short walk or some deep breaths can help. Small acts of self-care can ground you when everything feels heavy.
- Celebrate the Joy: Joy can live alongside grief – it reminds us that life still holds beauty. These moments of light aren’t a betrayal of your loss; they’re a reflection of the love you carry forward.
- Be Patient with Yourself: Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong, and other days the sadness will return. Both are part of the process, and that’s okay.
- Honor Their Memory: Find meaningful ways to keep your loved one’s spirit alive. Sharing their stories, celebrating special dates, or simply speaking their name can bring comfort and keep their memory close.
Finding balance in grief doesn’t mean dividing your time equally between sorrow and joy—it means allowing both to exist in your life as they come. Over time, this balance becomes less about perfection and more about grace, giving yourself permission to feel deeply, love fully, and keep moving forward in your own way
